


16 Past #writober2020

by YungWenLean



Category: Ginga Eiyuu Densetsu | Legend of the Galactic Heroes
Genre: F/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27041509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YungWenLean/pseuds/YungWenLean
Summary: “It sounds like you were born when you were twelve,” Karin said. “Like, a newborn baby, but conscious and fully self-sufficient. You’re like a backwards ghost.”Julian hadn’t reflected on that before Karin pointed it out, but once he was aware of it, he realised that it was pretty obvious in the way he talked. It was almost strange that no one seemed to notice.
Relationships: Katerose von Kreutzer/Julian Mintz
Kudos: 6





	16 Past #writober2020

**Author's Note:**

> Halfway mark for #writober2020 and it's teenage angst in the genre of "everyone is traumatised and everything in unhealthy". And I mean, it's normal that all people have some kind of issues, especially in a interstellar war context. But I find Julian's obsession with Yang fascinating, expecially how everyone around him enables and endorses it. He comes off as a calm guy, but I have a feeling that he's just never learned that he's allowed to have emotion. That could be a problem in the future, and Karin will probably be the first to notice.

Julian noticed immediately that he had done that  _ thing  _ again. Julian was a receptive guy, and he knew this look on Karin’s face. He had once again talked like he was born seven years ago.

No one but Karin had really commented on that, but she was right, he acted like that a lot. The first time she noticed was when they were just getting to know each other, before Yang died. That was probably the first time they talked about something more personal than mashed potatoes. He told her a bit about his background, and when she told him about hers he said something about being in a similar situation. “Similar, how?” Karin asked. Julian tried to explain that their families were mostly dead but they still had a father on Iserlohn. The questioning look on Karin’s face made him lose the track of his own thought and blush.

Later, they had talked more about their families. Karin tried to talk about Julian’s parents. What they had in common, she said, they had a mother who was a refugee from the Empire. Julian agreed, but he didn’t really remember his mother. More than that, he didn’t really feel any connection to the idea of ever having had a mother. He remembered his father, but those memories didn’t feel real. Or, rather, they felt real like historical facts do. Those things clearly happened, but he knew about them because he knew the facts, not because he was there when they happened.

Julian’s memories started feeling real from some time after he moved in with Yang. Even memories unrelated to Yang or family, like school or playing with friends, everything that happened before Yang felt unreal. Like most people feel about stories from when they were toddlers. It’s them, but not in their conscious life. “It sounds like you were born when you were twelve,” Karin said. “Like, a newborn baby, but conscious and fully self-sufficient. You’re like a backwards ghost.” 

Karin was right, that’s how he felt about his life, although of course he knew that his life technically didn’t start when he arrived at Yang’s doorstep. Julian hadn’t reflected on that before Karin pointed it out, but once he was aware of it, he realised that it was pretty obvious in the way he talked. It was almost strange that no one seemed to notice. 

This time, he tried to comfort Karin who broke down when someone casually pointed out the exact place where Schönkopf was found. They were back in their quarters on the Brunhilde and Julian tried to tell her that he knew just how she felt, after all it’s only been a year since Yang died. Karin looked at him. She didn’t need to say a word. He knew that the way she looked at him was saying. “What’s wrong with you, Julian? Your father died ten years ago.” 


End file.
